Be not weak but strong.

I close my eyes tight as I feel
tears welling up behind swollen eyelids.
Puddled with frustration
Eyes search for truth amidst falsity
intrepidly approaching
the throne of Jesus
I write a song for comfort
be not weak but strong.
Be not weak but strong.
I express this on
piano keys
guitar strings
dance floor
wherever
I find strength and courage.

.::.::.

My truth comes out in the form of jumbled words, I am stumbling over my own vocabulary, unsure of what to say... uncertain of how you’ll respond. This truth hides under my skin, afraid of seeping through pores of lies and fabrication for fear of being misunderstood anyway. It feels like I’m being punched under water, pulled under and drowned lower, lower, down. Shifting gears and shifting beliefs, not entirely believing and fighting to believe... but you don’t see my struggle... it looks like I’m just playing with life. You don’t even hear me screaming... and I am. Screaming for life, screaming for understanding, screaming to be heard.

I would like to shut down the world for just a few moments. Silence, for just a little
while... I’d like to disable human interaction for just a little while. Shut down the world for just a few moments. Eliminate the ability to be misunderstood, increase my chances of being heard clearly by God.